I am now 14 days in and have not purchased a single new item of clothing, or a second hand item for that matter.
A strange, perverse freedom has taken over and I no longer trawl through reels and reels of online clothing brands searching for the holiest of holy grail garments that might make me feel better about being a scummy mummy… I do that less, now. A lot. A lot less. I still look but it’s getting better.
I sorted through my wardrobe and imagined all of the outfits I would wear now that I will be wearing the same things all year. Praise be. Blessed be the fruit. I just need to lose the baby weight! It is coming off and sleep is getting better. We co-sleep, keeping the umbilical connection strong as we snuggle or hold hands throughout the night. I just get the feeling that it’s ok that my little one needs comfort and reassurance through the night, for whatever reason. Sarah Ockwell-Smith is my go to guru on all things sleep related. No, I will not let my baby make himself sick by crying it out so that he learns to stop crying. He still has his newborn cries/sounds for hunger – that’s because we have been 100% responsive to his needs and cues since he has been born. I love that. Life will never be the same! I am grateful and thankful for that too.
I hope that I can squeeze more Buti yoga into my life once I have stopped being down with the sickness – fluella benjamin has been in the neighborhood for a while now…
A part of me is still desperate to buy new clothes and get caught by the buzz of wearing something new. The other, deeper part of me feels a renewed sense of grounding down into this year, exploring the parts of me that I wish to expand, and those I wish to release back into the wild.
I am also following my instincts that I am not experiencing postnatal depression. I am feeling trapped and restricted at times and I lash out, I feel anger/hurt/a wound that I cannot reach. I also feel like my hormones are on fire and that I can take action to soothe and settle my flow, my cycle, my fire. Evening Primrose Oil and CBD/Cannabis oil are my go to’s. And exercise, when I am well rested enough to lean into a session fully.