Monthly Archives: January 2021

ONE HUNDRED THINGS TO DO IN GUERNSEY WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SH*T! NO.21 CHAPEL OF ST APOLLINE

We gave thanks and blessing to the Saint of Dentistry this afternoon;

“Blessed are the fillings, joy to all veneers! Under his implants!”

I have driven by the small church hundreds of times since moving to Guernsey, and today I went over its threshold for the first time! In the Proustian sense of the universe, that’s what I love about this hobbity island – seeing new things with the same old pair of eyeball goggles on! You could literally park a small tractor by the front gate and toddlers can enjoy exploring the garden. We could see that the fae were in residence as there looked to be a doorway at the base of one the trees in the garden. However, we didn’t knock or take any chances that they might just put the kettle on for us and rustle up some biscuits… It is well worth a visit (but don’t visit RIGHT NOW or THE GOVERNMENT will fine you TEN THOUSAND POUNDS – if you don’t have a valid permit).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chapel_of_St_Apolline,_Guernsey

It all feels a bit like ‘f*ck off if you’re not from here!’ in G-land at the moment, and that’s sad. We could have all taken in a shielded person from the UK for the duration of the pandemic at this rate. St Appoline lived in Alexandria 249BC and her house still stands – yet we continue to ‘define local’ in a way that betrays the myriad and beautifully rich depth of colour and culture of the island itself. There’s a well of sadness holding up the armpits of any victory cheer we may raise to the skies; all dark and comfortless. Ringing the bell when it’s not a church service gives an air of the impression that if you did such a thing, it may, albeit microcosmically momentarily, take the edge of it. Ring the bell! Up yours corona!

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ONE HUNDRED THINGS TO DO IN GUERNSEY WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SH*T! NO.20 HOT SWEATY YOGA

LIVE LOVE SWEAT!

https://www.facebook.com/LOVE-HOT-YOGA-101073861895108

On Monday night I took my post partum body along with me to Love Hot Yoga, Guernsey’s newest yoga studio. Entering the mother womb like tent we went through some flows and sweated a lot, together. Yes, it feels like Guernsey is Hershel’s farm (from the Walking Dead, Season One). We can all come together in lycra and stretch ourselves out, without a sexual predator in speedos in sight (ref. Bikram yoga founder). This is surreal. It was honest, easy, challenging, difficult, sublime and relaxing in equal measures. The host of Love Hot Yoga was easy going, unpretentious, smooth, natural and put everybody at ease whilst at the same time taking us through a difficult yoga session. I slept the best I had in a very long time afterwards. I have also been upping my running kilometres this week and have already clocked just under 15K – a bonus! I hate stretching properly after exercise so I hope that this class will be a weekly occurrence.

When I moved to Guernsey just over a decade ago, I had never even heard of it. Lucky my mum’s hairdresser had lived there and parted two great gems of wisdom about the island 1)Everybody knows everybody else’s business, and 2) Everybody is sh*gging everybody else. I mean I wish I knew everybody else’s dirty laundry secrets and my life routine since having a child dispels half of that! Yet here we are, attending sweaty yoga classes in a confined space during a global pandemic. Yes, we are all the children of Rick Grimes now. I have set my expectations for the pandemic lasting five years and that our Bailiwick bubble may likely burst suddenly and at any time.

“Hope for the best, plan for the worst.” Jack Reacher

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ONE HUNDRED THINGS TO DO IN GUERNSEY WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SH*T! NO.19 BATH TUB RACING AT THE MODEL YACHT POND!

Yaaasssssss!!!! What a banging way to kick off TWENTY TWENTY ONE!!!

https://guernseypress.com/news/2021/01/01/bathtubs-to-battle-for-supremacy-on-saturday/

We did not make it to the model yacht pond this afternoon as we had a toddler party to attend. It’s random events like bath tub racing that colour the Bailiwick of Guernsey with whimsical, honest and unique magic that you would not find anywhere else. This event will be in our diary for 2022 (unless we get invaded by Aliens lol?).

Photos below are from our travels today. I feel the gravity and weight of lockdowns happening around the world. I lean into nature to escape and hope that others can feel that release too, in a flower or a fallen tree.

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