100 THINGS TO DO IN GUERNSEY WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SH*T! NO.8 THE FERMAIN VALLEY TEA ROOMS

At the time of writing this Guernsey is in ‘Stage 5c’ of exit from Covid lockdown. Whilst it sounds like a diagnosis for a devastating and heartbreaking tumour, it actually means that life goes on with whimsical alacrity on the island: we just cannot leave. If we do leave, we must self-isolate for 14 days on return. And, that is devastating and heartbreaking because this is truly prohibitive for most people to do without going insane. The world is not a safe place in 2020. In Guernsey, it is almost normal, yet people who break isolation rules can be fined thousands of pounds, and named and shamed in the local media. When the UK announced a second national lockdown to flatten the curve of the second wave of coronavirus infections and deaths, we went to the Fermain Valley to drink tea and eat cake. That discomfortable feeling of surviving in a time of global heartache and upheaval is very real, very raw and crushing on the best of worst days. I will call this the ‘Bezos effect.’ So, we fuel up on cake to emit and radiate positive love vibes across the universe! If this had happened a decade or so ago, I am not sure if I could have got through lockdown in the UK on a shitty salary, a shed load of debt, sky-high rent, shitty people in my life and barely enough leftover each month to buy a two-stick kitkat with. Upyourscorona!!!

The chocolate orange gluten free cake was delicious
Lovely wallpaper
A tearoom with a view

That day we all did tea and enough cake to feel okay with the fact that the rest of the world had gone to sh*t! All that was missing was the tourists.

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