

“Make the decision to track your fear, to turn from prey to predator. When you become the hunter, you create new opportunities for grace and growth. Once you choose to walk the Brave-Hearted Path, you can begin to let go of the old stories that have chained you to your past and move into an exciting unknown: the unchartered territory of your future.” (Ana. T. Forest, Fierce Medicine).
A few years ago Juliette Lewis shared a photo of ‘Fierce Medicine’ and my own copy came to me soon after. I loved that influence and inspiration, I love the comfort and kindess of strangers who share things freely, without the narcissistic need to leave a damning review or fierce criticism that can often be just a reflection of their own wretchedness.
I have recently had surgery for a hernia, along with the tooth implant, and the Spring Equinox detox, it’s been a year of rest, recovery and healing! I hope to come back into the ring fighting fit once my abdominal wall is strong like a tiger! Aggh. Just before the tooth issues kicked off and again, just before the surgery for the hernia, I went back to stalking my fear and feeling it out, tugging on the tangled, tumultous and tattooed roots. I was playing with Forest’s recommendations to go into ‘fearsanas’. I was playing around with downward dogs against the wall, Camel pose, and going deeper into pigeon. I have packed a lot of fear into my thighs and hips, as of late, being immersed in the toxic stress of a corporate takeover/heist. During the fretful changing scenarios at the office, late last year, I noticed that my body odour was becoming an issue – a real issue! I was stinking. My armpits were giving out an obnoxious odour and on reflection I think this was because of how afraid and scared I was, and how badly I was ignoring this fear and trying to carry on regardless. You cannot ignore fear, it’s not something you can just leave behind like a greedily completed book on a train seat. I had to switch up my natural deodorants – aloe/tea tree combos were the winner. And quitting red meat was a huge turning point too – now the odd chicken breast will trigger smelly pits again! I don’t wish to swallow another animal’s fear for dinner when I am overwhelmed and sick with my own. My brilliant armpits were raising the alarm, “fear has a primal purpose to protect us” (Fierce Medicine, p20). I’m more aware now of where fear manifests and happens in my body – my guts hit the floor, my jelly legs wobble and shake, and you could toast crumpets in my hot-sweaty armpits (in that exact order!). Working on releasing the fear, with the breath, on the yoga mat, that is trapped within, is divine! It’s a magical journey towards spiritual enlightenment, freedom and release, that goes round and round

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/22/this-much-i-know-juliette-lewis
Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like when you’re older must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game (Joni Mitchell)